poems, mostly metrical, and rants and raves on poets, poetry, and the po-biz (with 8-string stuff)
Random header image... Refresh for more!

You Pick the Ending!

I’ve got this poem I wrote in triple meter, pretty unusual for me, and I’ve written 3 endings, and I can’t choose between them. Below I’ve typed it out with my current favorite final quatrain (candidate number 1 in the poll to which I hope you will respond), followed by the other three endings. I’d appreciate it if you’d use the comments to let me know which ending you prefer. The poem’s called “A Stratagem.”

When I talk about politics, poems, or art
My wife rolls her eyes and my kids run away
And my friends begin shouting, “Enough, you old fart!
Get over it, man! We don’t care what you say

About something that happened long ages ago
When a man named Somethingus said this about that
And Somebodyelsus said, “Actually, no,
Since your whatsus is broke and your ass is too fat.'”

Then they’re back to the tube, where Buffy the Slayer
Is bound by a vampire who strokes her bare thigh,
And I’m forced to conclude that there isn’t a prayer
Of serious talk, nor a reason to try.

Perhaps the solution’s to have myself dubbed,
Like a film by Truffaut in Hollywood-ese.
I could say what I want and they wouldn’t feel snubbed
And we could spend hours just shooting the breeze!

Here are the other candidates for final quatrain:
number 2:

I shall have myself dubbed, by Italians, I guess —
Though there’s much to said for the arts of Hong Kong—
When I ask “Don’t you think?” I’ll be answered with “Yes!”
And won’t care the translation’s hilariously wrong.

and number 3:

Perhaps the solution’s to have myself dubbed
Like Fellini translated to Hollywood slang —
I could say what I want, and they wouldn’t feel snubbed,
And I could believe I’m just one of the gang.

If you like, you can listen to the choices (along with most of what you’ve already read above) here.

So pick one! I’ll use the one with the most votes — unless you write an ending yourself which I like better than any of these, in which case I’ll gladly share the credit and any riches which may result.

Update 5/4/09: Fixed the weird punctuation which I swear wasn’t there when I posted way too late last night.

http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/digg_32.png http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/stumbleupon_32.png http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/delicious_32.png http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/technorati_32.png http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/facebook_32.png http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/yahoobuzz_32.png http://mikesnider.org/formalblog/wp-content/plugins/sociofluid/images/twitter_32.png


1 Poetry News For May 4, 2009 | Poetry Hut Blog { 05.04.09 at 12:01 am }

[…] …I’ve written 3 endings, and I can’t choose between them. Below I’ve typed it out wi… […]

2 Tad Richards { 05.04.09 at 1:57 am }

Second one.

3 mittens { 05.04.09 at 5:21 am }

how about all three?

4 MAS { 05.04.09 at 7:45 am }

I vote first. I like “shooting the breeze” best although “translation’s hilariously wrong” has a ring to it.

5 mittens { 05.04.09 at 10:55 am }

if you stop thinking of each as The Ending, and instead think of them as a kind of cumulative process, it would work.

6 Mike { 05.04.09 at 11:17 am }

I for two and 1 for 3 —
Judy, I might be able to do that, but I’d have to rewrite either 1 or 3 to make a crescendo of silliness out of it. I might very well see what I can do. I worry that it might go on too long for such a slight thing.

7 MAS { 05.05.09 at 7:33 am }

Crescendo of silliness is a Good Thing.

8 Mike { 05.05.09 at 7:35 am }

So noted!

Leave a Comment